My Testimony

Often wondering why learning the hard way was my lot in life, I now realize the reason was because I never really knew the Lord nor His Word. Neither was I paying attention to Him or His instruction. I honestly did not even know what it meant to have faith or trust in Him but, yet I called myself a Christian.

Learning about Jesus in Sunday school as a preschooler and into the early grades, my memory is vague. We lost my 4-year-old sister when I was 9 due to drowning in our pool in South Florida. After that tragedy in our family, we moved and stopped going to church. Even through the years we went to church, I don't remember any conversation about the Lord nor bible being read in the household….just Sunday church. I didn't know Him.

Our parents were good to us. They loved us. We did not have an abundance, but we never lacked any needed items. The tragedy and moving to a new home was the beginning of change in our family, and it was not long before our parents split up and divorced. That happened when I was 10, so it had only been a year.

My mom tried to take my sister and I to church. We started going to a local Methodist church attending a Confirmation class, and afterward, was baptized by sprinkling. Mom worked hard as a waitress, and she got to where she did not want to attend church, but she wanted us to walk to church by ourselves. We did a few times…it didn't last. I still did not know Him.

There was a lot of rebellion in our home. It was just me, my younger sister, and my mom, then mom got a boyfriend. My sister and I did not like him, but honestly that probably wasn't fair to him. We were very rebellious and responded negatively to him telling us what to do. I was still only 10, so our rebellion got an early start. My sister started having a lot of behavior problems and learning problems in school. Eventually, my sister went to live with my dad, and I stayed with my mom. It was hard because I missed my dad so much, but I couldn't leave my mom by herself, and I don't remember being invited anyway. The choices were made. At this age, I was about 15.

Things did not get better in our home. My mom got involved with psychic activites, and as a teen, I really didn't know what was going on. I was always out with my friends while she was having meetings at our home with like-minded people. We were so far away from knowing the Lord. The devil had a foothold in our home. I was not making good decisions. It was Fort Lauderdale in the 70's. It is only by God's grace that I survived any of it. Even though, I didn't know Him, He still cared for me.

Married at 21 and a mother at 22, I went to church with my grandmother. An evangelist team came to my door and ministered the gospel to me, and I accepted Christ as my Savior. Then I joined their church which was a First Christian Church. I rededicated my life and was baptized by full immersion. One night, I had a glimpse of the Lord. I was very upset because there was a lot of strife between me and my husband. I could not get my mind to calm down due to a fight between us, and it felt like my head was going to explode. I walked outside in the back yard. It was dark, and I looked up at the night sky, and I spoke to the Lord. I asked Him to help me, and immediately, I felt this peace come over me. With the Lord's help, I was able to go back inside in peace. I went to church regularly with my grandmother, but unfortunately, it did not last. My husband and I broke up, I stopped attending church. I trusted in myself and did not seek the Lord nor did I seek godly advice. I still did not know him.

Married again at 26 and had another child at 29, I was back in church. This time I was in a Baptist church. To come into the Baptist church, I had to rededicate my life to the Lord along with mandatory full immersion baptism. I tried to fit the mold expected of me, but the devil still had a foothold in our home due to sin that we would not lay down at the feet of Jesus. I was in the Baptist church for 20 years participating in many areas. My husband and I went through many happy times, sad times, trials and tributlations, but after 20 years of marriage, our marriage ended. I stopped going to church again and continued trusting in myself. Even though during that 20 years, I saw so many times how the Lord cared for me and worked in our lives. Looking back, I truly believe that I did not really know Him and still did not know true faith or how to trust in Him.

I married again at the age of 51 and am still married at this time. My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years. I was not in church when we met, but still claiming to be a Christian not even understanding what that meant….blinded by trusting in myself for so many years. I started getting interested in new age ideas. Honestly those new age ideas were there for a long time. I was part of the world, and when you are part of the world, you accept the beliefs of the world. We are supposed to be accepting of other's beliefs…right?? That was a big contribution to my downfall. I wanted to be part of the world…I wanted people to like me…I fit into the world real good. I did not even understand or know God's words and warnings about what to stay away from. Well, the Lord allowed me to learn. He basically turned me over to the devil for the destruction of my flesh 1 Corinthians 5:5. When I look that verse up on Google, it basically says, "expelling an unrepentant sinner from the church so they face worldly hardships with the ultimate hope that they will repent and save their soul." I would like to say it was like that but it was not. It was much harsher.

The Lord allowed the devil access to me. It was spiritual hardships and torment. I did not understand what was happening because I did not even know the spiritual world was real. They didn't teach us about that part in church. I knew Jesus was real, and I believed in Him but did not know Him like I could. I was frightened. All I could think of was how do I get back to Jesus? I did research and tried to find help. No one would help me. They would say that they would help, but when it came right down to it, I was told I could do this myself. It always landed back in my lap to deal with. I had to research more because weird things were happening to me. I was desperate for freedom, so I learned how to deal with the situation at hand by learning to forgive, repent of sin, and lead myself through self deliverance …not through my might, but through the power of my savior, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

So much has happened since I awoke out of my stupor back in 2015, but here I am moving forward with the Lord. I am not sure why He accepted me back, but during all these years, even in my sin, I always believed. I have related the Lord bringing me back to Him to the story of the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:12-14 How think ye? If a man Have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? I was part of His flock, and I had gone astray. If He did it for me, He will do it for you! He never leaves us nor forsakes us. Will the trek back to Jesus be hard? Yes, and it may even be painful, but it can be done. If you are far from the Lord…no matter what reason….repent of the sins keeping you from Him. Lay them down at His feet. You don't need them any more, you only need Jesus.

When I try to talk about the narrow path with others who may not have been through what I have been through, sometimes they don't understand, and I get it because I didn't understand either. I would love to save them from the hardships of their choices, but like me, some people have to learn the hard way. The Lord won't give us more than we can endure, and He always gives us a way out of temptation. We don't have to choose the wide path to destruction.

Nowadays, I stay close to the Lord. I am honestly not part of the world very much, and that is okay with me because staying on the narrow path is important to me. I am not the same person I used to be. My focus is on the Lord… although not perfect, but just a sinner saved by Grace. If you are going through a similar situation, and I can help you, please don't hesitate to reach out, but please understand, you have to be ready to lay your sin down.

Revelation 12:10-11

10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of God, and the power of His Christ: For the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.